So going back to the holidays, time spent at home was good; had the opportunity to catch up with friends and fam, and got a lot of rest in before heading back to Chicago...which, in hindsight, I would really need over the course of the next week or so.

Initially, I was supposed to fly back to Chicago on Saturday the 26th, but due to extreme snow conditions at O'hare, my flight was canceled, and I ended up flying out early Sunday morning. That morning, as we were driving on our way to the airport, I ended up getting into a pretty heated discussion with my dad over all the time I spend doing "church activities". As some of you may know, I've never been all that sure of where my dad stands in his faith, but over the course of this conversation it became clearer and clearer to me that he's been falling away for some time now. I sensed a great deal of cynicism and jadedness towards the church on his end - he mentioned that people in church seemed "lazy" or "two-faced", and that he felt more and more that church was just "a waste of his time". And in the back of my mind, I had kind of sensed this for a while now, but to actually hear and see it up close made it that much harder to bear. I spent the majority of my time on the flight trying to sort a bunch of jumbled thoughts in my mind...

Upon landing in Chicago, I more or less went straight to the youth retreat, and from there on out it was pretty much nonstop for the next few days. Maybe it was because of the incident with my dad, maybe it was the fact that our schedule ran a little bit later than usual every night....but this youth retreat was probably the most physically taxing one I've helped with thus far. My mind was all over the place, going back and forth between all the questions I was asking God about my own personal life, and trying to discern how He was moving in the lives of the kids I was serving.
The more I think about it, the fact that the theme of the retreat was "Relationships Matter" was no coincidence...and over the course of the week, I noticed God moving...amidst all the concerns and anxieties in my mind, I heard Him loudly declaring, "I LOVE". "I love these kids, even though they've had misconceptions about me in the past, and even though they've perceived me as cold and overbearing". "I love your dad, even though he's frustrated with the church, and even though he has trouble understanding what I'm all about". "I LOVE this entire world that I've created, and each and every single individual in it."

As for my dad, despite all the questions that I still have, there is also a certain degree of comfort in my mind. There's a certain reassurance that extends far beyond my understanding, or my ability to affect these situations. Though I ultimately had no influence over the circumstances, I'm realizing more and more that God's love (and sovereignty) runs so deep for His children. I'm realizing just as He does for the youth group kids, He cares about my father deeply, and as such, He has a profound purpose for him. As helpless as I felt, it was comforting to know that God was and is working out His plans through his life, even if I can't even remotely comprehend what He's doing at this point in time...

Please pray that I would continue to be faithful in lifting up my requests to God, and that I would trust in His timing and power. There's a certain something in the air that's different nowadays, and I feel that He's been calling me to have a greater heart for those around me who don't yet know Him...not least of which is my dad. I'm a little scared as to what the future holds, but at the same time, I'm excited, because I sense that God has big things in store...