Right of Way

Teach me your way, O Lord,
    and I will walk in your truth; 
give me an undivided heart,
    that I may fear your name.
-Psalm 86:11


"Right of way"- this phrase has been on my mind a lot these past few weeks. I know this term typically pertains to traffic rules and regulations, but I've found it relevant to my relationships as well. For whatever reason, it's been incredibly difficult for me to interact with people around me, be they strangers, acquaintances, or even close friends. I've been quick to anger, impatient, intolerant, hypersensitive, and just generally had a pretty big stick up my butt when it comes to dealing with other people. And the most frustrating thing about it is that I've had trouble pinpointing exactly why I've been this way lately. Maybe it was side comments that people have said that I've taken too seriously. Maybe it was me road-raging at other drivers when I'm driving around. Maybe it was a case of food poisoning that wreaked havoc on my stomach for a day and a half. Maybe it was the fact that I was stuck at the airport and ended up not being able to go home to see my mom before Mother's Day. Maybe it's some combination of all these...but at the core of my frustration is the simple fact that things just haven't been going my way. 


The self-righteous side of me takes over at times, thinking that I've said and done the right things, that I've earned the right to not have to deal with such petty annoyances, that I deserve better than this. And though I know that, by very virtue of my inherent sinful nature, that there's nothing more that I deserve than an eternity apart from God...but this truth is constantly wrestling back and forth in a fierce battle with my human heart and emotions. And it bothers me to no end. At the end of the day, I love the community around me and know that they love me in return, but man, do they wear on me at times. And ultimately, it contributes to me feeling very alone and very isolated, always needing to have my guard up, and unwilling to trust anybody or allow myself to be vulnerable in front of them.


I know this is a short entry, but I just needed to get some stuff off my chest. Please pray that I'd remain humble enough to refrain from putting myself above others, and gracious enough to love them with the love Christ first showed me. God, may I be reminded of Your faithfulness to me, and continue to cling to this as a means to propel myself towards the future.